I think that anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I've always been a very fair and non judgmental person. Unfortunately, we live in a world where judgement is all around us, and people generally are not fair. I remember my grandmother always saying, "don't believe anything that you hear and only half of what you see." I guess I just grew up in a relatively none judgmental, non gossiping atmosphere. The topics of conversation in my house were never about what was going on in other peoples lives. If it didn't effect us, we didn't discuss it. It is still hard for me to understand why people spend so much time focused on what's going on in the lives of the people around them. Wouldn't that time be better spent focusing on ones own life? I live in a small community where everyone knows what's going on in everyone elses lives, except me. I am seriously not in touch with what's going on. I always say, I'm greatful to be out of the loop. It's none of my business. I don't make it my priority to keep on on the community gossip or to know when my neighbor pulls a new vehicle into the driveway. I'm the last person in the neighborhood to notice when someone puts their house up for sale, and by the time that I notice that one of my children's friends parents are no longer together it's already old news. "Oh, didn't you know that he cheated on her with two of his co-workers last fall?" Nope, I didn't know that and quite frankly it's non of my business. I barely know those people and why do you care? It's just all a little strange to me. Time is so precious to me that I can't imagine spending any of it talking about such meaningless stuff. Obviously those topics have meaning to the people who are involved and who are closest to them, but to someone on the outside of it.. do they not have better things to do? Just because I've met someone in passing or my child is friends with their daughter, doesn't give me any right to discuss or have an opinion on what is going on in their personal lives. I guess that I've just always thought that it's important to have very reliable information before judging someone or contributing to the deterioration of their pupblic reputation. Don't we all have some level of responsibility for not hurting each other, for not contributing to this epidemic.

I actually had someone tell me recently that she saw a married mutal friend getting "frisky" with a guy at a bar,..... sitting close, leaning in, talking intently, smiling, flirting.. you get the picture. The person telling me was disgusted and thought that someone should contact her husband and let him know that his wife was cheating on him. First of all, even if the alegations were true and she was getting inappropriately friendly, that's hardly cheating (such drama some people love to create) and secondly, is it really any of YOUR business. Anyway, weeks later I found out that it was the woman's cousin that she had not seen in almost 5 years that she was so engrossed in conversation with. See these are the workings of a small town. You can't even have a warm and focused conversation with your own cousin without becoming the town slut.

I actually had a friend in my early 20's who was dating a guy who later was rumored to be HIV positive. Can you imagine the anquish of this young girl and her family when they heard this rumor several weeks after their daughter stopped seeing this guy. Then imagine the embarassment of the guy when he is confronted not by the girl he dated, but by her family. Imagine how that effected his ability to date (after the rumor got out it must have hurt his chances of dating) and then the girls ability to trust guys in the future. It's not just an innocent little piece of gossip, it haunts people for their whole lives long.

Imagine the impact it might have to imply that someone is not the fater of a child. "She was sleeping with so and so, it might not be her husbands baby." Imagine the implications of that if it is not true, yet it gets back to the husband. A husband who is never able to truly trust his wife, who questions if the baby is his, and a woman who has done nothing wrong but will have to spend the rest of her life proving that she is trustworthy. A child, who has done nothing but be born, who will forever be an area of doubt in his father's eyes.

I just have never understood why people gossip and pass judgment as a way of elevating themselves. It's not an accurate measure of who you are as a person. The fact that someone else is going through a rough spot in their live or makes poor choices doesn't make anyone a better person. I'm a better person today because I've learned from past mistakes, not because my neighbor went to jail and the woman on the PTO is sleeping with the town minister. Non of that has any importance in my life or says anything about who I am as a person. I just don't get it, yet it continues day after day and in someways is a favorite passtime for many people.

I will spend my days focusing on what's going on in the lives of the people that I love, focusing on building a better future for my children, and on improving who I am as a person without having to judge other people or use the accomplishments or failures of people in my community as a standard by which I judge myself. I'm proud of myself, and the way that I was raised. I don't judge people who gossip. I don't think I'm better than they are. I just don't understand it and I pray that I can raise my children to avoid it in their lives.

I am happy to be me. (great title for a blog right?)

Saturday Morning Coffee

Joy comes in many forms, but for me one of the most simple pleasures in life is Saturday morning coffee. Not that Coffee any other day is bad, but Saturday morning is often the first day of the week that I can sit in my comfty green chair, feet up, news on, fuzzy brown blanket keeping my frozen toes toasty warm with a steaming hot glass of morning blend coffee with just the perfect amount of french vanilla creamer to make the otherwise black doffee the perfect shade of tan. Any other day I can't fully appreciate my yummy cup of coffee, but on Saturday mornings while the rest of the house is quiet, and the morning sun has not yet made it's appearance it is truly the most tranquil time of the week. It is seldom that I allow myself to take time just for me, but this is my time each week and I cherish it.

Typically, my daughter Bella who is by far my most affectionate and snuggly child, somehow always wakes up right before the sun comes up. I hear her footsteps against the hard wood floor as she rounds the corner from the hallway into the greatroom. Her warm pink cheeks, sleepy eyes, and messy hair warm my heart. Before she gets to my chair I lift my fuzzy brown blanket for her to jump in and snuggle. It's our routine. Coffee in my left hand, Bella snuggled on my right leg, her soft warm cheek against my chest and I flip from the news (that I dearly love to watch) to her favorite morning cartoons. I continue to sip on my coffee until Abby wakes up and then my coffee hand becomes occupied as Abby snuggles into my lap and we discuss her night time accomplishments - staying dry all night, sleeping the whole night through in her own bed, having good dreams. Saturday mornings before the sun comes up is the absolute best time of the week. Coffee, news, snuggle and cartoons - what more could a mom ask for?

I am so happy to be me!

By the way

I have the most amazing husband in the world. I can't wait to blog about him, and the kids. They are the five most incredible people in the world. I'm so happy, and so fortunate to be me.

My first Blog

I've been meaning to blog for a long while now, just never allowed myself the time to do it. I'm the mother of four beautiful children, hence the lack of time to dedicate to blogging or anything else for that matter. With any luck I will get into a somewhat regular routine of putting my throughts out there.

As I type my oldest son who is 16 and just got his drivers license is trying to scold my 6 year old daughter, so it's time for me to get back to parenting.